During the past few weeks, many of the Facebook posts that have caught my attention, and my heart, were those written by parents who were sending their kids off to school. Some were putting kids on the bus for the first time for kindergarten and others were taking a son or daughter to college for the first or last time. It is one of life’s remarkable milestones, a rite of passage, and no one ever tells you how it changes your life.
Not surprisingly, this week Facebook sent me some of my own “memories”-- earlier posts of my kids making the leap from one grade to the next--so I could also re-live those moments again. To be honest, they are never far from my mind. I remember putting my youngest on the school bus for kindergarten, 15 year ago, and clear as day. With backpack and lunchbox in hand, he boarded the school bus as if he’d done this a thousand times. I waved bravely just until the bus pulled away and then began sobbing all the way back to my house.
About an hour later, still puffy eyed and teary, the phone rang as I was settling down to get to work. It was Stan the school bus driver. He called to let me know that he poked his head into the kindergarten classroom and wanted me to know that my son was doing just fine and settling in nicely. To this day, I am touched by this kind gesture. Stan has probably done this a thousand times, watching worried parents place their child on a school bus for the first time. And as parents, it takes us a little longer to settle in and accept our new routines.
When I helped my daughter move into the dorms at her college, I was keenly aware that something was ending. No matter what anyone tells you about the next amazing chapter you’ll begin with your adult child, nothing really prepares you for saying goodbye to life as you’ve known it. It is a monumental change and the daily routines and schedules we’ve come to rely on are suddenly replaced with a new space for settling in. It takes time to let go, and I’m not sure you ever really do. My kids are always in my heart, often on my mind, and certainly a part of every fiber of my being and my life.
It takes time to settle in. I think that is okay. Each fall, I remember the passage of time--who I am as a mother, and who I am in addition to that. As our kids have settled into their new lives and routines, I’ve begun to redefine, even re-imagine, my own life. For me, it isn’t about rushing to fill up all available space and time in order to cope with the transition to an empty nest. It has been about acceptance and about honoring change, in my children and in me.
These last weeks of summer really are all about transition. Whether you put your kindergartner on the school bus for the very first time, dropped your freshman off at college, or are neck deep in projects at work that need your renewed energy and focus, you have probably been feeling the shift from summer to fall, from outside to someplace inside. And, as we begin a new season, maybe even a new chapter, we each get to discover what it means to settle in. So, how are you doing? How do you want to settle in?
The precious photograph that recently popped up on Facebook....
...and the grownup he is now!